So there I am in hour 11 of 12.5 of my night shift yesterday morning when I happened to flick the music channel on in an attempt to find some good tunes to get me through breakfast time and the rest of the shift when I heard the familiar lyrics of The Black Eyed Peas- “Where is the Love?”. At first I was really confused because I didn’t realise they had done a remake of it. Got to say though, as a fan of the original, that I really like the new version too. Now im not sure if it was the fact that I was nearing the end of what seemed like one of the longest shifts ever, but that song really got to me. So much so that I may have teared up slightly (again the night shifts and hormones of the monthly dread added in probably didn’t help). Suddenly though I found myself working on auto pilot whilst I contemplated the meaning of life and asking myself a million questions of a self-reflective nature.
There are so many hideous and awful things going on in the world that I am, for the most part, terribly naive and probably oblivious to the majority. I’m not really one to overly voice my opinion on current affairs or politics so for the fear of not offending anyone I wont go into what I think about current situations etc. The point was that while people are out in the world fighting for their lives every single day, struggling to find the things that every human needs for the most basic form of survival, here I am feeling sad because im tired. Poor me because I have had to work to be able to afford a life that so many people would be so grateful for.
Last month I decided to try to adopt a new way of thinking and maintain a more positive frame of mind by believing that everything happens for a reason and that even when bad things happen it’s so that something positive can come from it. I’m probably not going to be able to explaint very well but basically my new mantra has become “I’m exactly where I need to be, to get to where I need to go”. It had been working aswell. For the first three weeks of the month I maintained a very positive and happy attitude and it appeared that in return good things where happening. However, this last week, I had started to feel like I was loosing myself and that frame of mind. So in return, I havent had the best week.
Today I re found some composure though so I just wanted to put it out there that I am grateful. I am grateful for the life that i have. I am grateful that I get to come home to a loving husband who has taught me how to love completely and utterly. I am grateful for my dog, who has taught me that with love, time, effort and a heck of a ton of patience you can achieve the results you want. I am grateful for my family and friends who are always there for me to turn to in a time of crisis and have taught me what true friendship is and been there to pick me up when im down but also to tell me when i am in fact in the wrong. I am even grateful for the people who don’t like me or agree with my opinions or the way I do things, because they have taught me to broaden my horizons and look beyond my own mind whilst still being able to remain truthful to myself. Also right at this very moment I am grateful for this website for allowing me to get this all out.
Today I am grateful..x
(posted on original blog September 20th 2016)